Now the men of Sodom were wicked and were sinning greatly against the LORD. (Genesis 13:13)
Why was God so dang primeval back then? His attitude toward the emerging GLBT community was positively godawful. You’d think that, being God, he’d have had a little more sensitivity about sexual orientations and alternative lifestyles. But nooo. Our boy was all fire and brimstone. Our boy got himself into a big huff and roasted the suckers (sorry about that). Thanks to divine homophobia, the local GLBT fellowship met a flaming end. The robust citizens of Sodom and nearby Gomorrah tested positive for HIV (Homos In Vicinity) so he simply inoculated the whole damned Lot. It’s an awkward moment in Biblical history for folks who prefer their chosen deity a bit more tolerant.
You’d think that the boys of the New Testament would have had a more progressive attitude about sexual orientation and preference. You would hope that they would have picked up some cues from Jesus who defied the religious prudes of his day by hanging out with weirdos and wackos of all kinds. Unfortunately for us religious hipsters, the New Testament writers are a rainbow coalition of sexual rigidity.
The Apostle Paul is the worst of the bunch and poses the biggest problem for those who wish to liberate Christianity from its archaic sexual outlook. Paul is an unabashed homocidal freak for whom same-sex trysts are categorically “unnatural” and a blowhard (sorry) who holds that those who engage in homosexual acts are point-blank perverts (Romans 1:26-27). He doesn’t stop here. Paul goes so far as to include gays and lesbians with the “wicked” and to actually exclude them from salvation, declaring that neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God (1 Corinthians 6:9-10). Whoa. Talk about Dick and Jane dogmatism. This is the 21st century after all. If Paul had been around today he would have had to buy his Starbucks incognito.
So what’s a sophisticated Christian to do with such unenlightened Biblical material? Some have tried to reinterpret or recontextualize the more blatant homophobic passages in the Bible in order to render them ignorable, or at least less objectionable. This hasn’t worked out all that well since the most offensive passages are squeamishly unambiguous. Others sheepishly admit that the Bible does indeed include some draconian passages, but they assert that, like Darwin’s monkey, a viable religion must evolve. Christianity, if it is to remain relevant, they say, must change to keep in step with the times. Any religion that discriminates deserves extinction. But the good book ain’t going down easy. The Bible appears to have a few more desperate offensives left before it finally gives up the Ghost.
The good news for religious hipsters is that the Bible has become less important to Christian faith and practice. These days not many Christians actually know or care what the Bible says about anything, let alone about same-sex relationships. This should encourage those who find the Bible irrelevant, medieval, or just plain crap. If trends continue, the church may one day jettison the Bible altogether and finally welcome everybody into heaven without regard to sexual preference, marital status, moral inclination, or doctrinal conviction. Despite the frothing rants of those rabid fundamentalists, that old-time religion just may be going the way of the dodo bird.
Of course, when we hipsters finally liberate heaven, God will have to find a new place to live.
